After the "Our Story podcast series, I am going to start a new series called "Christian Myths". In it I will be focusing on several Christian myths that people believe are in the Bible when in fact they aren't and are not true.
One such myth is that "time heals all wounds ". That simply is not in the Bible nor is it true.
Time in and of itself heals nothing actually.
The truth of the matter is that when it comes to relationships being mended or healed, with time alone, the wounds actually become much worse. Just as with a wound to our body, if left unattended, infection sets in. Left unattended longer, gangrene then takes over and the only remaining option is to amputate the infected limb.
No, time alone does not heal all wounds.
The truth is that what DOES begin the healing process is attention to the wound and desire to pursue healing. This applies to relationships as well, whether in marriage, family relationships or friendships. There must be equal desire on BOTH sides to mend the relationship by giving it the needed attention that hopefully will lead to that relationship being healed.
It's important to note the word equal. If one party wants healing and to do whatever it takes to get there and the other party doesn't share equal desire, it will only result in deeper bitterness from the one who has the desire to work toward the one who doesn't, as they perceive that the other party doesn't really care. In my experience as a pastor it never works when this is at play.
I call it the "desire factor". Here are some real life examples:
- Two sisters had a major argument and had not talked for over 10 years. I urged the one sister who looked to me as her pastor to reach out to her estranged sister to hopefully begin the healing process. She tried repeatedly to open up conversation but sadly her sister would have none of it. The desire simply was not there on her part, thereby to this day there has never been healing. After 20 years they are still estranged.
- A young lady came to me wanting counsell on what to do in her marriage. She and her husband had been married for seven years and for the past two years he showed no interest in her physically, nor conversationally. She had begged and pleaded for them to go to seminars on marriage in the community as well as couples counseling but he simply refused. The rejection and hurt had begun to fester into full-blown bitterness of heart. I urged her to separate from him for a time in order to show she was really serious. She did so and her husband still showed no interest in making the marriage work. I told her she had to seek God on what to do further. I eventually learned that she had filed for divorce a few years later after they had transferred to another community.
Again, the "desire factor". For a relationship to be healed there has to be equal desire, period.
- A grandmother came to me deeply hurt because her estranged daughter would not let her see her grandbaby. She had tried and tried to make efforts to heal the wound with little response. I urged her to let it go and commit it to her "God box". She returned a few weeks later with a whole new look a peace on her face. She said that God had given her the grace, the ability, to let go and finally place the relationship into His hands. She was at peace with the fact that her daughter may never desire relationship again but if the desire did come, she would welcome it and rejoice. I lost touch with her several years ago and hope to one day find out that things were indeed mended.
The "desire factor".
No, time in and of itself does not heal all wounds. There must be equal desire from both parties as well as equal energy spent to see it through. If not, there will be no healing.
I leave you with the words of my favorite preacher, TD Jakes. Hope you have a great weekend!
PB
"LET IT GO"
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.[1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains . . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents . . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to . . . . . . . .
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing in this season of your life!!!
LET IT GO!!!
Thank you, PB. Very timely and helpful :-)
Posted by: Donna | June 04, 2016 at 06:28 PM
Wow PB... This is all just so good!
Posted by: Jacky | June 03, 2016 at 05:48 PM