Yesterday as I was prayer walking, the following thought came to me:
"Holiness is about knowing God. Brokenness is about knowing yourself."
I began to think about the story of Jacob, one of the Patriarchs of the Old Testament. Jacob was born a fighter and from the very beginning, even in the birth canal, he struggled for first place with his brother Esau. They were twins but Esau had been born first.
A few years later as a teenager, he deceives his brother into giving him his birthright as the first born son. He then manipulates his blind father Isaac into thinking he is Esau and steals the firstborn blessing away from him. From that point he continues to be a fighter, using manipulation and deception to forge his way through life.
Yet God is with him in it and through it all, patiently waiting for the time to finally "break" his dearly loved son Jacob.
That point comes at Peniel, where Jacob wrestles with the angel of the Lord, the fighter trying to overcome in his own strength. The angel of the Lord touches him on his hip joint and from that point, the Bible says that Jacob for the rest of his life walked with a limp. He not only encountered God there but he encountered himself. The fighter would always be reminded of his fleshly tendencies to manipulate, deceive and control apart from God's grace.
From that point we never see Jacob resorting to the old tools he had used previously. The limp reminded him everyday of what he was capable of. He was still a fighter by nature, but now one who knew the backside of his fighter temperament.
I can very much identify with Jacob. Being raised by an alcoholic mother, the fighter instinct was forged into the core of my personality and temperament. Through my childhood and teenage years I would resort to using any tool I could, including lying, manipulation, ...... anything I could, to get my way and forge ahead. When I became a Christian and surrendered my life to Christ, my nature as a fighter was still there.
Let me be clear in saying that our basic temperament is God-given and to be used for the glory of God and I believe God used my fighter nature to help accomplish much in His work. I had a prophecy spoken over me in my early Christian years that God had made me a ram for his kingdom, to move things forward.
But like Jacob, our god-given temperaments have a backside. And like Jacob we have to come to the point to where we encounter God and are broken and know ourselves. We know our tendencies in the flesh.
We walk with a limp.
I can definitely say that this last season of my life has been my own personal Peniel. I used to force my way through life, often unintentionally hurting people around me with my unbridled ram-like nature. But thankfully God has touched me in the hip.
Hey, for those of you knew how I drove, you would be proud of me now! Robin even said the other day that in the short year we have been married she has really noticed how much more aware I am in my driving, much more mellow. I don't react like I used to. When I begin to get overly strong she will say, "OK Ram... Chill!!"
May God help us all to be broken. May he help us to not only know him but know ourselves, becoming the best version of what he intended us to be.
Love you guys,
PB
Good stuff PB! And timely... Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)
Posted by: Jacky | March 24, 2016 at 01:32 PM