Benny Hinn and Divorce

You may or may not have seen the news over this past weekend:  Televangelist Benny Hinn and his wife are divorcing after 30 years of marriage.

30 years....that's a long time.

Deb and I have been married almost 26 years.  I wish I could say it has all been easy.  It hasn't.  I have been a 'hard learn'.  Self-centeredness dies slow. 

But back to divorce....

How do you go 30 years then, bam, its over?  The answer is not as complicated as we make it.  Jesus hit it sqaure and center when he said this:  "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God originally intended."  (Matthew 19:8)

We get hardened in our hearts.  We get offended or hurt. The hurt doesn't get resolved.  It hardens within us.  Like little bricks, the wall goes up in our hearts toward our spouse.  At some point, if our hearts don't soften toward each other, the wall becomes impenetrable.

Divorce has already happened in the heart. 

I do not condemn Benny Hinn and his wife Suzette.  Deb and I know full well how hard it is to stay soft and tender to each other, forgiving each other, again and again and again and again.  Every marriage that makes it has to commit to staying soft at heart toward each other.  It's hard work.

"Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.   Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone (SPOUSES INCLUDED! :)..) who offends you.  Remember, the LORD forgave you, so you must forgive others."  (Colossians 3:12,13)

Grace,

PB

Comments

[Gail]

Moses was under the law, but he 'gave a way out' to husbands/wifes because of the hardness of the heart. We know that God hates divorce. He has given us 'guidelines' as to 'a way out' .... but let's not use this liberty to jump out of the relationship of marriage.

Let's face it ... us who have been divorced, it does hurt a lot of people, and many of us do not want to hurt others. Divorce separates a family, and that hurts a lot.

And again, we are 'given a way out/through' and that is by the grace of God He heals our lives. Why? Because He loves us.

[Child Custody Arrangements]

I recently came across your blog and have been reading about divorce. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

[Erik]

Another interesting Chapter is 1 Corinthians, CH 7. Just a thought from the cheap seats.

[Teacherspet]

Saying we are not under law is such a cop out and out of love for the readers and truth I would like to mention something. Paul's teaching in Romans 8 answers this question of the law. Notice the Believer's new law destroys the old law. The law is fufilled in this way. It's time to move on from chapter 7 to chap 8.

...Through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,b God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.c And so he condemned sin in sinful man,d 4in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ.

[Gail]

I'd like to add this to thought...

I mentioned that first comes sin and then comes forgiveness. Well, although that is the case in which we activate forgiveness.....we who are in Christ Jesus do have the Holy Spirit living in us - regardless of how much we have surrendered and do let His spiritual fruit grow and produce - there is the seed of forgiveness in each of us even before someone has offended us or sinned against us.

Let' pray for Benny Hinn and wife Suzette that they will let God heal their marriage and restore them, as one in Christ Jesus. Let's pray for them, God knows they need our prayers of love.

[Bob Holmes]

I've got a friend with a Masters in Counseling who worked with the ministry and told me this was coming 8 yr. ago.

Divorce is sin period. Sin is forgivable. Sin has lifetime and inter-generational consequences. We really need God's perspective and get outta our Me-Centered approach to sin.

Sin is the outward and visible manifestation of an inward and invisible brokenness. Until we deal with our inward invisible brokenness before God, the dealing with sin will escape us. In other words, we stop one thing say "running around" and it pops up as something else like "on line pornography." Now God is out after the total healing of our brokenness...our transformation.

Let me give an example from my life that applies here: Great suffering is transformed into great compassion through forgiveness. When my friend told me what was going on behind the scenes, I immediately prayed for them and just had deep compassion for what they were going to go through.

We are all either entering into, in the midst of, or coming out of things that will literally tear us apart. Scripture says Jesus learned obedience through the things he suffered. Suffering tempers and deepens us and proves even to purifying the faith we carry. The result of deep suffering is deep compassion, peace and even joy as it is transformed my our forgiveness of the pain. There's always suffering in every relationship we have, but none like marriage.

This is a wake up call and I would highly recommend John and Stasi Eldredge's new book: Love & War: Finding The Marriage You've Dreamed Of

Love One Another,
Bob

[Gail]

I agree with PB....read Matthew 19 again.
We see what God intended marriage to BE.

We do need to remember that forgiveness is a matter of the heart. Sin is also. First comes sin then comes forgiveness.

I was married 28 years and one day my husband said it was necessary for us to divorce because he wasn't willing to stop his life of adultery. It was a very difficult decision on my part because I know God hates divorce and therefore so do I.

What I say to all of this is....seek God through all things for His grace is sufficient.

[bill robinson]

I would say that the hardening of the heart occurs LONG before marriage. Today's dating scene teaches how to harden our hearts against the pain of breaking up so that each time we do (break up), it get's easier to deal with the pain.

Dating also teaches us that when we have a difficulty, separation is the answer. By the time we get to marriage, our heart is hardened (scarred) by break-ups and we have learned that the easiest way to deal with problems is divorce.

The church eventually accepted today's "dating scene" and the divorce rate in the church soon caught up to the world's rate.

When you behave like the world, you will become like the world.

[Sis Debbie]

I went thru a divorce and God showed me that he hated it but allowed it because of the hardness of man's heart. My first husband after almost 8 years wrote me in a letter from hardship tour to Korea that he did not love me anymore and wanted to release me so we could find happiness! No one can fully understand the hurt but Jesus healed my hurt and brought David into my life just 25 days after the divorce. Here is a testimony I cannot go into now but let Jesus be your husband and he will guide you to the right one or if you are to remain single! Thank God for guidance and now we are married 29 years!God has blessed us with 3 lovely daughters and the step-son who remained with me. It has been challenging but rewarding because Jesus is at the center of our marriage! I Corinthinas 13 we live by also!!!The LoveDare book from Fireproof movie pointed this out but I have been living by it all along!

[Monica]

PB,

Marriage, covenant or contract?

I wish I could say I have never been divorced but….the woman at the well and I are kindred spirits. This is not the time or place for my testimony but I needed to say that I had been married. However, now I have come to know my Jesus (God). Now I am held responsible (1Peter 1:13-14). This doesn’t always make marriage easy, but it makes it easier. God instructed Israel not to make a treaty (covenant) with anyone in Canaan. Joshua was tricked into a treaty with the Gibeonites (Joshua 9). Good covenant or not God has commanded us to keep our oaths. But if Joshua had sought God first before making the covenant he would not have made it. So two lessons, seek God before making a covenant, and even if you broke a prior covenant, He does forgive and expect you to keep any other covenant you make whether it should have been made or not.

[Elizabeth]

a thought on the thought before mine. i totally agree, but it seems church culture is sliding right along with the world and calling it 'reaching out to the culture'. i hear a lot of people justifying movies/music they listen to just because they aren't doing the immoral act themselves. what about books and sermons that use movies for examples? movies full of sexual sin and taking the Lord's name in vain. can't we do better than that? aren't we in the kingdom of light? why use examples from the kingdom of darkness? even the world can see the difference between the two. isn't our God creative enough? do we have to borrow from the world? where is the line between freedom in Christ and religion? yes, i realize the gray area is huge between a rated g movie and porn, but i think the line is being pushed way to far..and the church is right there paying for it..just some thoughts.

[Freddie]

Hey PB, Its funny how when you address "sin" all of a sudden your "under the law". Jesus addressed divorce as sin of hardening the heart, a sign of a inward heart problem. This is NEW TESTAMENT. It time the church becomes "Holy" and stop living the "lukewarm, carnal" life. Call Sin - Sin, No matter what culture you dress it up in, or what post modern excuses people make for their petty sins; one thing the Lord is clear on is we ALL will give an account to Him.

[Ryan Leal]

Exodus 31:12-15
Is talking about your soul and not putting GOD First. If you don't put GOD First in your life you are setting your self up for death and to live under the curse of Adam.

Divorce is a Cause of SIN. Guns Don't kill People, a Person that decides to use a gun can kill a person. If you and your spouse obey the ten commandments then you wouldn't sin towards each other.

ONE: 'You shall have no other gods before Me.'
TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.'
THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.'
FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.'
FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother.'
SIX: 'You shall not murder.
SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.'
EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'
NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.'
TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.'

God still judges us by the law. And jesus took you punishment. Every time you say we don't live under the law of moses and use it for a reason to justify your sin. your saying Jesus didn't need to die for you.

[teresa skelley]

I've read all the comments, and my heart is stirred....i didn't plan on saying anything, but....this has aroused some questions in me.

where does it stop? where is the line?
are we rationalizing our sin?

i'm really not trying to be harsh...just want to think.

2010...society says abortion is OK, divorce is ok, shacking up is ok, maybe we will even legalize marijuana.

if we accept one, how is that better than accepting another? yes, the consequences are different, but all are sin.

yes....graciously, God forgives, and i know i don't know all the circumstances that people face, that may make life seem unbearable. i know that i've learned " except for the grace of God...there go I"....precisely why i'm truly not here to judge. if i point any fingers, it will be at myself.

i've also learned that when the boundary lines seem to get fuzzy... i go to God's Word-there is where i find truth, there is where my mind is renewed, and where the lines once again become clear.

God's word is the one thing that doesn't change, even when people and society do.

teresa

[Gin-e]

Jesus died for ALL sin or none at all... Divorce(in my opinion) is sin, but able to be forgiven.

[Greg]

As Bobby said, Jesus said there was only one reason for divorce, NOT MOSES.

[Donna]

Someone said to me once, "the only death that we really experience is the death of our egos". Our ego, the hardened heart, has a innate drive to survive. It's a tough one to let go of, but the rewards are so great when we finally recognize how wrong and how damaging our hardened hearts (egos) can be, not only to the person on the receiving end but mostly and ironically to those who won't let it go. New life comes when we let it,(the ego) the hardened heart, die. Unfortunately, I've had to learn this one the hard way and continue to learn it daily, and it's only by the Grace and Love of our Lord Jesus that I am able to let His new life enter in and fill those empty dead places that used to be my Hard (ego minded) heart. Wish I knew then what I know now! Praise God, He hung in there with me!

[Jim Mather]

thanks for your post Bobby

[Elden Scott]

The hardness of their heart was in referance to spouses not forgiving each other for cheating. Infidelity is the only reason Moses ever said it was ok. Jesus follows up with it's not ok and Moses said to and not God. He commands usto be one from the very beginning of the Bible, and never changed that rule. Moses rule vs. God's rule. I think careful study of the bible will reveal this, As God does not change. His dealings with people and different times do.

[Dave]

If we are not "following the laws of Moses" then what is the point of getting married in the first place? What is the point of commitment? Short of physical abuse and adultery, you are joined to your spouse for better or worse till death do ye part. Problem today is people don't want to work when marriage is worse, they just jump ship and call it a day. I've been editing wedding videos for over 5 years now and I've seen quite a few weddings were the vows are very light and hollow, no mention of working through the tough times.